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Earl Aagaard’s opinions about everything that interests him. Og also enjoys gardening, travel, reading, woodbutchery, and lots of other stuff.

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HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THE LOSS OF A CHILD…..?

As my grandfather used to tell me - when we were asking him what he would do in impossible situations - one simply has to pray that the Lord won’t ask us to go through such a thing, but if He does, that He’ll give us strength.

Now, there are people giving their time, their expertise, their love…..to help those facing this heartbreak through a parent’s worst nightmare.

Traditionally, doctors and nurses dealt with babies born with fatal anomalies by whisking them away from their mothers to die. But in the 1970s, a perinatal bereavement movement began offering parents another way to deal with the death of a child at birth, by acknowledging the grief they feel and by creating family and religious rituals around a stillbirth or early death.

Drawing on that philosophy, at least 40 perinatal hospice programs have been started in the United States in the last decade, said Amy Kuebelbeck, an author in St. Paul whose son Gabriel died of a heart condition hours after his birth in 1999 and who has researched the subject.

Most couples choose to have an abortion when they learn that the fetus has a fatal condition. But experts say about 20 to 40 percent of families given such diagnoses opt to carry the pregnancy to term, and an increasing number of them, like the Kilibardas, have turned to programs called perinatal hospice for help with the practical and spiritual questions that arise.

Having learned through the hospice to make the most of the time they had with their child, Alaina’s parents held her and told her things that people reveal to their children spontaneously and haphazardly over a lifetime. Into the October night, as her breathing halted and resumed, they explained how they met in Texas, though both were from Minnesota, and that they fell for each other at first sight. “And we told her that we’ll let her go,” Mrs. Kilibarda said, “and that it’s O.K. to go.”

I cried as I read this article, and watched the short video clip…..and that’s OK. In fact, it’s appropriate. We ought to cry over the sadness of our brothers and sisters. What we shouldn’t do is to turn away, and leave them alone with their pain and their grief. Reading this article, and watching the two families deal with their loss, makes me better able to offer the only thing that any of us who have never suffered in this way can offer….our loving presence. Do something for yourself, and for those who may someday need your help…..check it out.

You know, I’ve thought a lot of bad things about the New York Times in the last little while - and I flatter myself that most of them were deserved - but I must say “God bless the New York Times” for A PLACE TO TURN WHEN A NEWBORN IS FATED TO DIE

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/15 at 02:39 PM

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